Sunday, November 20, 2005

The Republican Bird-Flu Scheme

Despite the wide approval of my previous opinion piece, some readers complained that the fake letter I posted and said was fake was, in fact, fake. For those who were confused by this, I affirm that the following letter is real. I sent it to Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) this afternoon and am heartened that she hasn’t yet discounted the merits of my proposal the way those pesky Republicans would.

Dear Nancy:

As you may know, Tim Russert questioned a panel of medical experts this morning about the potential Bird Flu pandemic on NBC’s Meet the Press.

After Dr. Michael Ryan of the World Health Organization (WHO) confirmed the Bird Flu’s 52 percent mortality rate, Dr. Anthony Fauci said his concern wasn’t that Americans don’t have a vaccine, but that America does not have the production capacity at this time to make enough vaccine for the people who might need it.” When Dr. Julie Gerberding said it would only take six months to create enough vaccine to inoculate 300 million Americans, I grew concerned that greedy Republicans (who stole the 2000 Election and declared an unjust war for oil) might use this as an opportunity to negate the role of trial lawyers, who are our last line of defense against these fascist Republican children-haters.

Consider this:

  1. Like all of America’s corporations, the pharmaceutical industry is more interested about making a profit than serving disenfranchised Americans.These companies blame product liability laws, but if they really cared why do they still make drugs that mostly injure and kill AIDS patients, the poor, and their children and not billionaires? If Bill Gates’ baby got sick, you know that someone here would make a vaccine.
  2. If Republicans are concerned about product liability, why don’t they make it a government program? Unionized federal employees (like longshoremen) don’t care about rich people and if something bad happened with the serum, trial lawyers could just sue the government instead of the drug companies. The government could then raise taxes or print more money as needed.
  3. If not for Democrats and trial lawyers, no one would speak for those like me who have no voice in society. Today, when greedy corporations (like Halliburton) take advantage of poor babies and the elderly, trial lawyers and federal judges step in to compensate these victims. Moreover, this compensation demands millions (if not billions) of dollars in retaliation; otherwise these companies would consider these payouts as nothing more than the cost of doing business and raise prices.
  4. Dr. Fauci states that the US currently has no vaccine production. If a pandemic occurs and people die, fewer Republican billionaires would die than middle and low-income groups around the world the same way tax breaks helped the rich more than the poor. Look at Katrina - until millionaires and billionaires start suffering in the same numbers that ordinary folks do, Republicans won’t care at all.
Because of these factors and the Republican pro-white pro-rich pro-corporation history, I fear that that drug companies will try to use these issues to block trial lawyers from protecting me, under the pretext of “product liability.” Unless you and other great Democrats take a stand and, if necessary, filibuster this issue, trial lawyers will no longer be able to sue the drug companies for millions of dollars when our children die from their poisonous schemes.

I hope and pray to my Winter Holiday Creator that you and your peers share my concerns regarding this threat and do what’s right and what’s fair. After all, how can a 52 percent US mortality rate be more important than hundreds of dead babies? Anyone who thinks otherwise should have their heads examined!

On the other hand, a pandemic offers this possibility as well:

If Democrats successfully block vaccine production and millions of people around the world die while Republicans still control the Congress, Senate, and White House, we could blame conservatives for what might become the biggest pandemic in history. And if we can use genocide to generate party appeal, a half-billion flu deaths might not be so bad. And who really cares about all those lazy Katrina victims anyway?

These complicated issues are now in your hands. In the name of Al Gore and cheese handouts, I urge you to carefully consider my concerns.

Warmly yours,

Clark Baker