The Great LA Race

Recently, the Mexican Mafia and the City of Los Angeles decided to have a canoe race in the Ballona Creek. The Mexican Mafia’s team (MS-13) and Los Angeles team (LAPD) practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, MS-13 won by a mile.

Discouraged city officials appointed a "blue ribbon commission" to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat and recommend appropriate action. The committee concluded that MS-13 had eight rowers and one person steering, while the LAPD was steered by two civil rights lawyers, an inspector general, an ombudsman, two police commissioners, a chief, city council member, with one police officer rowing.

Deeply troubled, the City of Los Angeles demanded further study, this time appointing a new committee comprised of more than 100 police veterans and law enforcement experts. After careful study, they advised that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.

Unsure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to MS-13, the rowing team's management structure was reorganized into four steering supervisors, three area steering superintendents and one assistant superintendent steering manager.

They also implemented the "Rowing Team Quality First Community Enhancement Program." This ambitious program would give the rower a greater incentive to work harder. The new rowing oversight committees put together an impressive schedule or meetings, dinners and free pens for the rower. There was also discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses.

The following year, MS-13 won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American management fired the LA cop for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was returned to the City’s General Fund and law enforcement was outsourced to the Mexican Mafia.